i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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