I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
