I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize