i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
