just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
