I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
