I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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