My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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