why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
