You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize