You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
