Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
