The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
