I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
you never un-have a 4some
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
