the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
