she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she pinky promised me she was 18
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
