I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
