There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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