your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
