mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Duck Duck Cougar?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
