I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We are all done wearing pants today
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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