there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
