Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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