My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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