Plan B is the new Plan A
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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