had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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