All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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