Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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