Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
