I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
