Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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