the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
