How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
