So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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