All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
