There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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