At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
