ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
