Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
