im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
