Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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