somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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