I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
