he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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