Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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