I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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