Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
