If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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