Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
