We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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