So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
