What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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