Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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