So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
