I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
