Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So many bounce houses so little time
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize