You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
